If your child does not want to spend their bar or bat mitzvah posing for photographs, tell your photographer before the day. A short, agreed portrait session can preserve important family photographs while leaving plenty of space for the ceremony, friends, and celebration.

My approach at Summit Photo & Film starts with connecting with the young person. They may already be nervous about the day. Feeling comfortable with the photographer helps, and listening to their preferences is part of that connection.

Begin with what your young person actually wants

Ask whether they are worried about being photographed, dislike formal posing, or simply want to spend time with friends. Those are different concerns. Let your photographer know what they say rather than waiting until a session is underway.

Talk through the portraits that matter to the family and give the young person a voice in the plan. The goal is a manageable session they understand. Avoid presenting a long list of photographs as an unexpected requirement during the celebration.

A brief session can still matter years later

At one bar mitzvah, the young person and his family did not want many posed photographs of themselves. I made their preferences the priority, then set aside a quick session for photographs I felt they would appreciate afterward. Those portraits proved worthwhile without taking over the day.

That experience shapes how I plan. I do not assume every family wants the same portrait list or the same amount of direction. A few considered photographs can carry more meaning than a large collection of combinations nobody particularly wanted.

Choose a small list of essential family combinations

Start with the people whose photographs you would most value. Your list might include the young person alone, parents or guardians, siblings, grandparents, and one extended-family group. Adapt it to your family rather than treating those examples as a required list.

  • Mark the combinations you consider essential.
  • Identify anyone who will only be present for part of the day.
  • Flag relationships or groupings that need sensitive handling.
  • Tell the photographer about mobility or comfort needs that affect the location.
  • Choose someone who can help gather relatives when it is time.

Send the list privately to your planner and photographer. They need enough context to handle the session thoughtfully, but personal family details do not need to become public content.

Pick a window when people are ready and together

A short session is easiest when everyone knows where to meet, what time to arrive, and which photographs are planned. Coordinate it with the ceremony and celebration schedule. Before a ceremony may suit one family; a different time may work better for another, depending on access, clothing, and the young person’s energy.

Choose a practical location rather than adding a separate trip solely for a backdrop. In Aspen and Snowmass, a scenic view can be appealing, but distance, weather, clothing, and the next event all affect whether it is a good choice. Keep an alternative location available if an outdoor session becomes uncomfortable.

Leave room for candid photographs

Family portraits are only one part of the record. Conversations, hugs, friends together, and reactions during the celebration can reveal relationships in a way posed photographs do not. If these matter most to you, make that preference clear in the coverage brief.

I understand the flow of mitzvahs and work to help the young person feel comfortable. That lets us move between a brief directed session and the rest of the celebration with an approach that suits the family. The weekend photo and video checklist helps place portraits within the larger plan.

A simple portrait brief to share

Before the weekend, give your photographer four things: the essential combinations, your child’s preferences, the agreed meeting place and time, and the person helping gather family. Add any important access or comfort needs. This is more useful than a long collection of reference images that does not explain what your family wants.

Afterward, Summit’s online gallery and Selects tab make it easy to revisit favorite portraits and then explore the candid photographs from the other events.

Plan your mitzvah coverage with Summit

Explore Summit’s bar and bat mitzvah photography and film coverage, or return to the mitzvah planning resource hub for more guides. Share your dates, venues, weekend events, and the moments your family most wants to remember.